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3/27/2022 admin

On the drive to the hospital yesterday morning I tried really hard to present a positive and brave face. This was the same drive that I did when visiting my parents during their last days.

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Underlying this “positivity” was a feeling that the ensuing hours were in some way going to define my future.

Whatever was happening to my cells was already happening, but the information that I was about to receive was going to potentially end the honeymoon of optimism that had embraced me over the prior 2 weeks.

After arriving we sat in an almost empty waiting area and did what one does in a waiting area, we waited. After about 40 minutes and a few more sombre arrivals we were summoned by a youngish looking guy who introduced himself as Rob, an associate of James, the surgeon who had fortuitously fast tracked my PET Scan, MRI and meeting with the surgical/oncology team.

Rob launched into his talk with me and out of left field said that the only thing that had showed up on the PET Scan was the lymph node that had been biopsied and on further questioning he also said that nothing had showed up on the MRI.

Yes, this was positive. Firstly it meant that my body was far from being riddled with cancer and secondly that my immune system may have been able to do it’s job and destroy any tumours that had existed as a primary source of cancer.

To say that I felt a huge sense of relief is a gigantic understatement. I actually felt ecstatic, a huge weight of uncertainty had lifted off me.

After a bit more discussion we were sent back to the waiting area, the next meeting was scheduled with the Head and Neck team for 2.30 p.m. Georgie went to get some food and I rang Allissa and told her the news, I actually had tears of joy and relief as I spoke to her. I sent a few texts to the people who knew about my situation telling them the good news and waited as the room filled up with old blokes of my vintage, some a bit older but mostly cantankerous old bastards accompanied by their wives.

I was so lucky to have Georgie sitting close to me, looking young, healthy and tastefully dressed.

Around about this time I had a thought. “If I make it through this I am going to treat life as an art form.” I didn’t define what I meant by this but that will come as time goes by. I like the idea of pursuing that thought.

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Allissa arrived but due to the virus restrictions she had to sit in the car park. We planned to have her on loud speaker during the meeting, this way she could ask questions and be involved.

The second meeting started at about 3 p.m, we were summoned into the same room which now had 2 more youngish guys who turned out to be the head and neck specialists with Alicia and Rob who had been there earlier.

This meeting was a bit more serious. The doctor doing all the talking was named George. He was quite cut and dried. This time it sounded a bit more serious and even though I was still full of hope, George’s demeanour diluted my elation somewhat.

I did have cancer in my body in the lymph node, they were unable to find the primary source but this did not mean that there wasn’t a hidden tumour lurking somewhere in my body, I would more than likely have to have surgery on my neck to remove the lymph nodes which would reward me with a “cool scar” and other possible consequences. Nothing was really certain apart from what had already been said and more exploration needed to be done.

So after this sobering discussion I was informed that the next port of call was the mouth and throat team who would do further testing to try to determine whether there were any primary tumours skulking in the shadows.

The mouth and throat doctor was named Ryan. I felt an instant affinity toward him. If anyone was going to get intimate with me and stick cameras up my nose and their fingers down my throat this was the guy. And by the way, he didn’t disappoint. I don’t remember the exact sequence but briefly he explained that his job was to search for where the cancer might have originated. At this point I thought that the camera’s up the nose and down the throat were going to happen under sedation. I was wrong, yes the big stuff happens when I am out to it but the exploration was about to begin. He took me into a seperate room and explained what he was going to do. A small camera up my nose and down into my throat. He guided me with instructions. “Stick your tongue out as far as you can”, I felt like a NZ rugby player. Then say AHHHH, I did this for so long that it stated to feel like a Tibetan mantra, after more convolutions he finally guide the camera to my throat. All was well. Then a bit of “deep throat” finger work and back to Georgie.

He found nothing obvious. But he did tell me that I would need an operation on my throat to remove any left over tissue left from when I had my tonsils out 60 years earlier and also some more tissue from the base of my tongue. This will be sent to pathology. I’ll also be having another biopsy of the abnormal, cancerous lymph node … this time a bigger one than I first had. According to Ryan, I will be in a lot of pain for about 2 weeks after the operation and eating won’t be fun.

So, this first operation will happen in the next 30 days. Possibly on Monday December 21. The results will determine the next steps.

It appears likely that I will be having the neck surgery sometime in the new year but there is a slight chance that they will use radiation. It all hinges on the results after the first operation and the pathology.

The neck surgery is about 2-3 hours and apparently is quite intense.

There was a general consensus that I am doing all the right things and that I should keep this up. They also seemed to think that I was fit and healthy enough to get through the operations relatively unscathed.

Here’s what I am hoping.

My immune system was in good enough condition to wipe out the original tumour and what is left is concentrated in this lymph node in the left side of my neck. The cancer cells that remain will be killed off and I will live happily ever after eating very healthy food, doing lots of exercise and any other “therapies” that will keep my body and cells healthy and happy. I will live a long and adventurous life fill of travel, creativity and good health.

Fingers crossed.

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